Kalian yg dicinta,
Selama ini mendukung penuh atas kegigihan,
Penuh pengharapan,
pada cinta yg ditatang,
Gigihlah jua cinta!
Jangan hanya mencuba,
Tetapi patut melaksana,
Jgn toleh,
jgn letih,
hanya ini masa,
jika benar,
jika punya,
diizin Dia.
Jumaat, Januari 30, 2009
Khamis, Januari 29, 2009
Maaf.Kalian tetap cinta di hatiku.
Pernah x anda berperasaan seperti batu? Tidak punya apa-apa di dalam. Minda dan Hati;dua sahabat yg sgt akrab berpatah kata .
Minda berkata-kata: Bangkitlah! Tulislah!
Hati, Mata dan Badan: Ku malas! Titik
Minda berkata-kata: Kenangilah harapan keluargamu, insan2 di sekelilingmu yg selama ini menyokong dukungmu.
Hati, Mata dan Badan: Tiada kesan! Titik
Di mana, akhirnya ,ku sendiri yg menangis seperti isi sungai. Berkecai di dalam. Bagaimana untuk bangkit semula? Paling perit pabila kalian turut terkena tempiasnya. Maaf. Bukan niat. Tidak pernah mau kalian ikut berduka seperti isi sungai.
Maaf.
Terima Kasih.
Kalian tetap cinta di hatiku………..
Selama-lamanya! titik
Minda berkata-kata: Bangkitlah! Tulislah!
Hati, Mata dan Badan: Ku malas! Titik
Minda berkata-kata: Kenangilah harapan keluargamu, insan2 di sekelilingmu yg selama ini menyokong dukungmu.
Hati, Mata dan Badan: Tiada kesan! Titik
Di mana, akhirnya ,ku sendiri yg menangis seperti isi sungai. Berkecai di dalam. Bagaimana untuk bangkit semula? Paling perit pabila kalian turut terkena tempiasnya. Maaf. Bukan niat. Tidak pernah mau kalian ikut berduka seperti isi sungai.
Maaf.
Terima Kasih.
Kalian tetap cinta di hatiku………..
Selama-lamanya! titik
contradiction
salam,
notakepala:the title has nothing to do with the entry. i just like the word contradiction.
had meeting dis morning.it was horrible. very2 terrible!
that's why I don't want to attend the meeting in the first place. but Mbak Lailil told me not to run away. Yes, I am not running but it seems that I am surrenderring and waiting for myself to be killed.but Aini said, don't worry, at least we don't die. bro Yaser said nobody is going to die today.
my head: empty.nothing.
my heart feels like this.....
it seems like i died 1000 lives. and yet i am still caged here with the unfinished work. i need a vacation but i fear the time is not myself today, tomorrow and maybe for the rest of my life..
notakepala:the title has nothing to do with the entry. i just like the word contradiction.
had meeting dis morning.it was horrible. very2 terrible!
that's why I don't want to attend the meeting in the first place. but Mbak Lailil told me not to run away. Yes, I am not running but it seems that I am surrenderring and waiting for myself to be killed.but Aini said, don't worry, at least we don't die. bro Yaser said nobody is going to die today.
my head: empty.nothing.
my heart feels like this.....
it seems like i died 1000 lives. and yet i am still caged here with the unfinished work. i need a vacation but i fear the time is not myself today, tomorrow and maybe for the rest of my life..
Isnin, Januari 26, 2009
ketidak bijaksanaan
Ketidak bijaksanaan dlm membuat pertimbangan boleh menyebabkan anda mahu menangis… tau x? sy hampir2 membuatkan my dell menjadi mangsa kerana ketidak bijaksanaan saya dlm membuat keputusan.
Ceritanya begini tuan2 dan puan2,
Sy mmg selalu mengupdate antivirus. (maklumlah wireless laju skrg krn student ramai balik kampong utk cuti raya Cina)Dan hari ni terdapat nofication untuk mengupdate windows.bg sy itu tiada masalah kerana windows vista sy ni mmg yg original. Sy pun gatal tgn lalu klik button ‘download update’. Dan apabila ada notification menyatakan semua files telah Berjaya didownload ke dalam computer, sy ingatkan semuanya telah Berjaya. Sy mengambil keputusan untuk mengshut down my dell krn sy perlu keluar sebentar.
Bila sy pulang, ada sumthing notes di layar my dell, menyatakan usah di shut down pc ini krn windows sdg install new service pack 1. Sy dgn malas menanti, mengklik button power di my dell. Ok la..semua dh jd gelap..sy ingatkan sy dh Berjaya , rupanya tidak..notifier hard disk sy berkelip2..
sy naik heran, sy pelik, sy kaget…
sy klik button power sekali lg. barulah windows shutting down sepenuhnya.
Yes..sy Berjaya (sangkaan sy saja.)
Beberapa minit kemudian, sy on kn my dell. Di layar monitor menyatakan gagal memasuki windows kerana ada file yg rusak.
“Hah!”
Sy ternganga….OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ini semua gara2 tgn gatal sy menghentikan secara paksaan installing updates td.
Saya garu kepala..apa nk buat ni? Thesis belum siap dicorrection kn lagi…terbayang wajah Dr.Azween yg memarahi sy…wajah en.technician di tempat sy membeli my dell ini..oh no!…jauh sungguh untuk pulang ke Kuantan.
Mujurlah ada step yg telah dinyatakan di layar monitor my dell.sy langsung memasukkan cd windows vista, restart my dell dan click pd link ‘repair my windows’.
Alhamdulillah, semuanya kembali normal setelah my dell di restart sekali lagi setelah files2 windows td Berjaya di correct kn.
Kesimpulannya, tuan2 dan puan2,
1. Jgn updates windows anda online sekiranya bukan windows yg asli..akan ada masalah juga.
2. Jgn hentikan apa2 installation yg in progress. Kalu xnk install, pilihlah jgn download dr awal. Okeh?
Notakaki: sy dpt pengajaran, sy sgy my dell very much!!! Manusia kebiasaannya begitulah, apabila hamper kehilangan atau setelah kehilangan baru tahu nilainya. Dan pengajaran kedua, sy jd mahu membuat correction thesis. Dan peringatan tuk sy juga agar membuat back up.
Ceritanya begini tuan2 dan puan2,
Sy mmg selalu mengupdate antivirus. (maklumlah wireless laju skrg krn student ramai balik kampong utk cuti raya Cina)Dan hari ni terdapat nofication untuk mengupdate windows.bg sy itu tiada masalah kerana windows vista sy ni mmg yg original. Sy pun gatal tgn lalu klik button ‘download update’. Dan apabila ada notification menyatakan semua files telah Berjaya didownload ke dalam computer, sy ingatkan semuanya telah Berjaya. Sy mengambil keputusan untuk mengshut down my dell krn sy perlu keluar sebentar.
Bila sy pulang, ada sumthing notes di layar my dell, menyatakan usah di shut down pc ini krn windows sdg install new service pack 1. Sy dgn malas menanti, mengklik button power di my dell. Ok la..semua dh jd gelap..sy ingatkan sy dh Berjaya , rupanya tidak..notifier hard disk sy berkelip2..
sy naik heran, sy pelik, sy kaget…
sy klik button power sekali lg. barulah windows shutting down sepenuhnya.
Yes..sy Berjaya (sangkaan sy saja.)
Beberapa minit kemudian, sy on kn my dell. Di layar monitor menyatakan gagal memasuki windows kerana ada file yg rusak.
“Hah!”
Sy ternganga….OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ini semua gara2 tgn gatal sy menghentikan secara paksaan installing updates td.
Saya garu kepala..apa nk buat ni? Thesis belum siap dicorrection kn lagi…terbayang wajah Dr.Azween yg memarahi sy…wajah en.technician di tempat sy membeli my dell ini..oh no!…jauh sungguh untuk pulang ke Kuantan.
Mujurlah ada step yg telah dinyatakan di layar monitor my dell.sy langsung memasukkan cd windows vista, restart my dell dan click pd link ‘repair my windows’.
Alhamdulillah, semuanya kembali normal setelah my dell di restart sekali lagi setelah files2 windows td Berjaya di correct kn.
Kesimpulannya, tuan2 dan puan2,
1. Jgn updates windows anda online sekiranya bukan windows yg asli..akan ada masalah juga.
2. Jgn hentikan apa2 installation yg in progress. Kalu xnk install, pilihlah jgn download dr awal. Okeh?
Notakaki: sy dpt pengajaran, sy sgy my dell very much!!! Manusia kebiasaannya begitulah, apabila hamper kehilangan atau setelah kehilangan baru tahu nilainya. Dan pengajaran kedua, sy jd mahu membuat correction thesis. Dan peringatan tuk sy juga agar membuat back up.
melepaskn diri
hari ini sy berjaya menemui cara untuk melepaskan diri dari masalah yg mencengkam sy selama sebulan ini. seperti yg sy nyatakan, sy cuma jumpa jalan untuk melepaskan diri, tp sy belum jumpa penyelesaiannya. inilah dia tekti keji saya..erm...harap2 berjaya.
belum cuba belum tahu.agak2nya saya boleh lepas ker? ermm....xper..first thing first..buat yg mana penting lebih dulu..peningkn masalah satu demi satu dulu..kalu ikutkan pening, bnyk..
belum cuba belum tahu.agak2nya saya boleh lepas ker? ermm....xper..first thing first..buat yg mana penting lebih dulu..peningkn masalah satu demi satu dulu..kalu ikutkan pening, bnyk..
how you made them feel
entri yg dirembat dr website ini. indah, sgt indah...
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn’t hear the band - he could see it. In his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed. One morning, the nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”
Lessons: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy.
People will forget what you said…
People will forget what you did…
But people will never forget how you made them feel…
Make someone happy, share a kind word today.
A good word is charity. (Bukhari, Muslim)
from my mind: sy menitis air mata bila membaca entri ini.teringat pd nota kecil yg pernah diberikan oleh Aliza kpd saya. sy syg kamu Aliza....
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn’t hear the band - he could see it. In his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed. One morning, the nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”
Lessons: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy.
People will forget what you said…
People will forget what you did…
But people will never forget how you made them feel…
Make someone happy, share a kind word today.
A good word is charity. (Bukhari, Muslim)
from my mind: sy menitis air mata bila membaca entri ini.teringat pd nota kecil yg pernah diberikan oleh Aliza kpd saya. sy syg kamu Aliza....
HOW HEAVY IS YOUR PRAYER?
lagi satu entri yg sgt indah untuk dikongsi bersama.sy kutip dr website ini.
Fatimah, a poorly dressed lady with a look of forlorn on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, and they had seven children and they needed food very badly.
Ahmad, the grocer and a mean man by nature, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store. Visualising the family needs, she pleaded : ‘Please, Brother Ahmad! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can. Please, have pity on my hungry children” Ahmad told her he could not give her credit, as she did not have a charge account at his store.
Standing beside the counter was a customer who was well-known in the village as Mr. Hussien who overheard the conversation between the Fatimah and the grocer. Mr. Hussien, who is well known for his charitable heart, walked forward and told the grocer that he would pay for whatever she needed for her family.
The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, “Do you have a grocery list? Fatimah replied, “Yes Brother I do.” “O.K.” he said in a mean voice, “put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries.”
Fatimah hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed. The eyes of Ahmad, the grocer and Mr. Hussien showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.
Ahmad, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, “I can’t believe it.” The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more. The grocer stood there in
utter amazement.
Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement. It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer which read :
“Dear Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala, you know what my family needs and I am leaving this in Your hands.”
The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence. Fatimah thanked him and Mr. Hussien left the store.
Mr. Hussien then paid the bill to the grocer and said, “It was worth every penny of it.” It was sometime later that the grocer discovered the scales were broken, therefore, only …………
Allah Knows How Much A Prayer Weighs.
PRAYER
Surah Al Shura 42
Verse 19
Gracious is Allah
To His servants:
He gives Sustenance
To who He pleases:
And He has Power
And can carry out
His Will ….
Verse 26
And He listens to
Those who believe and
Do deeds of righteousness,
And gives them increase
Of His Bounty……
To the prayers of the righteous, Allah Subhanahu was Ta’ala listens, and He gives them His Bounty beyond their deserts. Every time they do a little good, they are increased in their goodness. Every right impluse or aspiration is strengthen and leads to progressive advancement with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala.
The source of all gifts is Allah ‘Azza wa Jall. His bounty is inexhaustible and He gives to all; but He does not give to all in the same measure, out of the fullness of His knowledge and wisdom, He can judge best what is best for any of his creatures. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala gives sustenance to whom He pleases i.e. provisions for all needs, physical, moral and spiritual etc., but His provisions is according to His wise Will and Plan and not according to people’s extravagant demands. He can provide for all in any amount, because he has complete Power and can carry out His Will.
Fatimah, a poorly dressed lady with a look of forlorn on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, and they had seven children and they needed food very badly.
Ahmad, the grocer and a mean man by nature, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store. Visualising the family needs, she pleaded : ‘Please, Brother Ahmad! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can. Please, have pity on my hungry children” Ahmad told her he could not give her credit, as she did not have a charge account at his store.
Standing beside the counter was a customer who was well-known in the village as Mr. Hussien who overheard the conversation between the Fatimah and the grocer. Mr. Hussien, who is well known for his charitable heart, walked forward and told the grocer that he would pay for whatever she needed for her family.
The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, “Do you have a grocery list? Fatimah replied, “Yes Brother I do.” “O.K.” he said in a mean voice, “put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries.”
Fatimah hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed. The eyes of Ahmad, the grocer and Mr. Hussien showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.
Ahmad, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, “I can’t believe it.” The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more. The grocer stood there in
utter amazement.
Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement. It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer which read :
“Dear Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala, you know what my family needs and I am leaving this in Your hands.”
The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence. Fatimah thanked him and Mr. Hussien left the store.
Mr. Hussien then paid the bill to the grocer and said, “It was worth every penny of it.” It was sometime later that the grocer discovered the scales were broken, therefore, only …………
Allah Knows How Much A Prayer Weighs.
PRAYER
Surah Al Shura 42
Verse 19
Gracious is Allah
To His servants:
He gives Sustenance
To who He pleases:
And He has Power
And can carry out
His Will ….
Verse 26
And He listens to
Those who believe and
Do deeds of righteousness,
And gives them increase
Of His Bounty……
To the prayers of the righteous, Allah Subhanahu was Ta’ala listens, and He gives them His Bounty beyond their deserts. Every time they do a little good, they are increased in their goodness. Every right impluse or aspiration is strengthen and leads to progressive advancement with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala.
The source of all gifts is Allah ‘Azza wa Jall. His bounty is inexhaustible and He gives to all; but He does not give to all in the same measure, out of the fullness of His knowledge and wisdom, He can judge best what is best for any of his creatures. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala gives sustenance to whom He pleases i.e. provisions for all needs, physical, moral and spiritual etc., but His provisions is according to His wise Will and Plan and not according to people’s extravagant demands. He can provide for all in any amount, because he has complete Power and can carry out His Will.
indah bukan?Masya Allah...
di dlm jiwa sy yg kacau bilau
Hari ini hari ke 24 dalam tahun baru 2009. It seems like everybody is moving forward but I am still here. Or maybe worst. I keep looking at the past and didn’t allow myself to care about the future. Like a frozen clock.
Niat tahun baru saya adalah: xnk bahasakan diri aku dan ko lagi apabila berkomunikasi dengan kawan2. Harap2 sy mampu lakukannya sedikit demi sedikit. Insya Allah. (rs cm pelik sikit, dh nk abes bulan 1 br jumpe azam tahun baru)
Sepanjang hari nie sy duduk melepak di bilik mbak Lailil. Sejak sy menjadi seorg yg malas memnyiapkan thesis, sy selalu habiskn masa di dlm bilik sorang2. Samada sy tidur atau menonton. Itulah 2 perkara lagha yg sy lakukan selama hampir sebulan nie. Due date untuk submit draft thesis adalah 29th January dan kini sedikitpun masih belum terusik lagi. Saya sendiri belum paham apa yg terjadi pd diri sy sendiri. Xbnyk perkara -perkara berfaedah yg sy lakukan ;[1] makan, demi menjaga kesihatan tubuh badan, [2] solat-bertemu Allah [3] membaca Al-Quran-makanan rohani [4]surf internet untuk menambah ilmu i.e online newspaper, blog, dsbg. sy mmg sgt berasa berat hati, berat tangan, dan berat mata untuk menyiapkan thesis. Entah apa yg dh berlaku pd diri sy nie.
Oleh kerana itulah, sy berkeputusan untuk ber’hijrah’ di bilik mbak lailil. Supaya ada insan yg mempunyai aura rajin bisa memindahkannya aura rajinnya kepada saya. Dgn harapan saya bisa memulakan langkah pertama untuk menyiapkan thesis.
Mbak lalili berkata pd sy, “gampang Intan mau jd rajin, mestinya ada matlamat”
Sy terdiam sebentar.
“matlamat?”
Sy ada matlamat tp skrg hati sy sgt tidak bermaya untk mengejar matlamat itu. Kenapa hati sy jd begitu? Kalu jumpa teman2 seperjuangan di lab, pasti semuanya bertanya tentang progress thesis, sy Cuma menjawab begini
“in progress.please pray for me”.
Simple. supaya buat mereka diam.jangan bertanya soalan tentang research lagi. Kenapa sy jd begitu? Supervisor sy juga bertanya, sy berikan jawapan yg sama juga. Nmpk sedikit perubahan di riak wajahnya. Pasti dia kecewa ngan saya. Pasti dia tertanya kenapa setelah berbulan2 lamanya sejak tahun lepas, sy masih belum menyiapkan thesis itu. Ermm…jawapannya saya malas doc…………………………………(itu hanya dalam hati)
Sy lagi pening.tak paham kenapa saya jadi begini. Tidak terdetik sedikit pun rs bersalah di hati saya apabila sy berhenti berusaha menyiapkan thesis. Apatah lg dgn membuang masa. Ya Allah!. Sy telah menjadi manusia yg rugi.manusia yg munafik.
My emak pun dh bising2, kenapa xsiapkan thesis lagi. Ada satu hari tuh dia kol saya jam 9 lebih. Malam. Dia ckp dia penat kerja, dia suruh sy cepat2 abes belajar dan cepat2 kerja. Entah kenapa hati sy jd keras, sy xtersentuh hati mendengar ucapan my emak..sebagai seorang anak, sepatutnya saya membalas jasa my emak.atas pengorbanannya selama ini. Tp kenapa sy rs marah kepadanya? Ya Allah! Sy xmahu menjadi derhaka.
Bila sys tanya pd diri sendiri,” apa yg menyebabkan Intan rasa begitu?”
Jawab sang hati ”sy xmahu lg berada di sini. Di UTP.sy mahu pulang”
“kamu boleh pulang Intan, tapi bukan skrg, kamu boleh pulang setelah menyiapkan thesis”
“xnak…sy nk pulang skrg.sy xbersemangat untuk menyiapkan thesis.sy xberminat padanya.sy xhepi di sini.sy sedih.sy selalu rs sunyi”
“kenapa Intan, kenapa hati kamu begitu?”
“sbb semangat sy tiada lagi di sini. Dia telah pergi ketika sahabat sy pergi di hari itu”
“jadi selama ini kamu menipu dirimu sendiri?”
“ya, sy berusaha untuk menempuhnya, sy anggap ini ujian dr Allah Maha Esa.tp ternyata yg perit menanggung hati sy di dalam.ia tidak boleh berpura terlalu lama.lama kelamaan ia menjadi lemah dan mahukan kebebasan”
“kebebasan bagaimana yang kamu mahukan?”
“sy sendiri xpasti.sy Cuma mahu pulang”
“kalau kamu pulang skrg, kamu pasti kamu boleh bahagia Intan?kamu boleh membahagiakan org lain? Emak kamu?”
Hati sy diam. Tak..sy xdpt menjamin bahagianya sy. bahagia keluarga.Bkn sy, hanya Allah.
“jadi, apa yg Allah mahu kamu lakukan Intan?”
“beriman kpd-Nya”
“apakah tingkah lakumu ke arah-Nya?”
Hati saya diam.
Azan maghrib berkemundang. Sy mahu berehat.mandi.solat.bertemu Allah.
****
selesainya solat, sy berfikir sendiri lg. apa sebenarnya yg sy mahu atau cari? jawabnya sy telahpun ketahui tp hati sy yg terlalu keras dan degil untuk mengakui.....
notakaki: sy telah menulis entri ini pd jan 24, 09, namun br kini sy beranikan diri mengpostkn ia.
Niat tahun baru saya adalah: xnk bahasakan diri aku dan ko lagi apabila berkomunikasi dengan kawan2. Harap2 sy mampu lakukannya sedikit demi sedikit. Insya Allah. (rs cm pelik sikit, dh nk abes bulan 1 br jumpe azam tahun baru)
Sepanjang hari nie sy duduk melepak di bilik mbak Lailil. Sejak sy menjadi seorg yg malas memnyiapkan thesis, sy selalu habiskn masa di dlm bilik sorang2. Samada sy tidur atau menonton. Itulah 2 perkara lagha yg sy lakukan selama hampir sebulan nie. Due date untuk submit draft thesis adalah 29th January dan kini sedikitpun masih belum terusik lagi. Saya sendiri belum paham apa yg terjadi pd diri sy sendiri. Xbnyk perkara -perkara berfaedah yg sy lakukan ;[1] makan, demi menjaga kesihatan tubuh badan, [2] solat-bertemu Allah [3] membaca Al-Quran-makanan rohani [4]surf internet untuk menambah ilmu i.e online newspaper, blog, dsbg. sy mmg sgt berasa berat hati, berat tangan, dan berat mata untuk menyiapkan thesis. Entah apa yg dh berlaku pd diri sy nie.
Oleh kerana itulah, sy berkeputusan untuk ber’hijrah’ di bilik mbak lailil. Supaya ada insan yg mempunyai aura rajin bisa memindahkannya aura rajinnya kepada saya. Dgn harapan saya bisa memulakan langkah pertama untuk menyiapkan thesis.
Mbak lalili berkata pd sy, “gampang Intan mau jd rajin, mestinya ada matlamat”
Sy terdiam sebentar.
“matlamat?”
Sy ada matlamat tp skrg hati sy sgt tidak bermaya untk mengejar matlamat itu. Kenapa hati sy jd begitu? Kalu jumpa teman2 seperjuangan di lab, pasti semuanya bertanya tentang progress thesis, sy Cuma menjawab begini
“in progress.please pray for me”.
Simple. supaya buat mereka diam.jangan bertanya soalan tentang research lagi. Kenapa sy jd begitu? Supervisor sy juga bertanya, sy berikan jawapan yg sama juga. Nmpk sedikit perubahan di riak wajahnya. Pasti dia kecewa ngan saya. Pasti dia tertanya kenapa setelah berbulan2 lamanya sejak tahun lepas, sy masih belum menyiapkan thesis itu. Ermm…jawapannya saya malas doc…………………………………(itu hanya dalam hati)
Sy lagi pening.tak paham kenapa saya jadi begini. Tidak terdetik sedikit pun rs bersalah di hati saya apabila sy berhenti berusaha menyiapkan thesis. Apatah lg dgn membuang masa. Ya Allah!. Sy telah menjadi manusia yg rugi.manusia yg munafik.
My emak pun dh bising2, kenapa xsiapkan thesis lagi. Ada satu hari tuh dia kol saya jam 9 lebih. Malam. Dia ckp dia penat kerja, dia suruh sy cepat2 abes belajar dan cepat2 kerja. Entah kenapa hati sy jd keras, sy xtersentuh hati mendengar ucapan my emak..sebagai seorang anak, sepatutnya saya membalas jasa my emak.atas pengorbanannya selama ini. Tp kenapa sy rs marah kepadanya? Ya Allah! Sy xmahu menjadi derhaka.
Bila sys tanya pd diri sendiri,” apa yg menyebabkan Intan rasa begitu?”
Jawab sang hati ”sy xmahu lg berada di sini. Di UTP.sy mahu pulang”
“kamu boleh pulang Intan, tapi bukan skrg, kamu boleh pulang setelah menyiapkan thesis”
“xnak…sy nk pulang skrg.sy xbersemangat untuk menyiapkan thesis.sy xberminat padanya.sy xhepi di sini.sy sedih.sy selalu rs sunyi”
“kenapa Intan, kenapa hati kamu begitu?”
“sbb semangat sy tiada lagi di sini. Dia telah pergi ketika sahabat sy pergi di hari itu”
“jadi selama ini kamu menipu dirimu sendiri?”
“ya, sy berusaha untuk menempuhnya, sy anggap ini ujian dr Allah Maha Esa.tp ternyata yg perit menanggung hati sy di dalam.ia tidak boleh berpura terlalu lama.lama kelamaan ia menjadi lemah dan mahukan kebebasan”
“kebebasan bagaimana yang kamu mahukan?”
“sy sendiri xpasti.sy Cuma mahu pulang”
“kalau kamu pulang skrg, kamu pasti kamu boleh bahagia Intan?kamu boleh membahagiakan org lain? Emak kamu?”
Hati sy diam. Tak..sy xdpt menjamin bahagianya sy. bahagia keluarga.Bkn sy, hanya Allah.
“jadi, apa yg Allah mahu kamu lakukan Intan?”
“beriman kpd-Nya”
“apakah tingkah lakumu ke arah-Nya?”
Hati saya diam.
Azan maghrib berkemundang. Sy mahu berehat.mandi.solat.bertemu Allah.
****
selesainya solat, sy berfikir sendiri lg. apa sebenarnya yg sy mahu atau cari? jawabnya sy telahpun ketahui tp hati sy yg terlalu keras dan degil untuk mengakui.....
notakaki: sy telah menulis entri ini pd jan 24, 09, namun br kini sy beranikan diri mengpostkn ia.
Ahad, Januari 25, 2009
MATI ITU PASTI
saya telah menjumpai satu entri yg indah di blog ini. jd, rsnya rugi kalu xdikongsi bersama2. here it goes..
Tersebut di dalam Unbar (Hadis) lima perkara racun yang membunuh dan lima perkara penawar sebagai ubatnya:
a. Dunia itu racunnya dan zahid itu ubatnya.
b. Harta itu racunnya dan zakat itu ubatnya.
c. Perkataan yang sia-sia itu racunnya dan zikir Allah itu ubatnya.
d. Seluruh umur itu racunnya dan taat itu ubatnya.
e. Seluruh tahun itu racunnya dan Ramadan itu ubatnya.
Sabda Nabi S.A.W.:Akan datang kasih mereka lima perkara dan lupa mereka lima perkara:
a. Kasih mereka kepada hidup — lupa mereka kepada mati.
b. Kasih mereka kepada harta — lupa mereka kepada hisab.
c. Kasih mereka kepada mahligai — lupa mereka kepada kubur.
d. Kasih mereka kepada dunia — lupa mereka kepada akhirat.
e. Kasih mereka kepada makhluk — lupa mereka kepada Allah.
Apabila hampir mati seseorang hamba Allah maka terbahagilah dia kepada limabahagi.
a. hartanya untuk warisnya.
b. nyawanya untuk Malaikal Maut.
c. dagingnya untuk ulat-ulat.
d. tulangnya untuk tanah.
e. amalan dan kebajikannya untuk orang yang dianayainya. ,
Apabila bercerailah nyawa dari badan maka terdengarlah seruan dari langit tiga kali:
a. Hai anak Adam, adakah engkau tinggal dunia atau dunia tinggalkan engkau?
b. Hai anak Adam, adakah engkau himpun dunia atau dunia himpunkan engkau?
c. Hai anak Adam, adakah engkau bunuh dunia atau dunia bunuhkan engkau?
Apabila dihantar ke tempat mandi berserulah suara dari langit tiga kali:
a. Hai anak Adam, di manakah badan engkau yang kuat mengapa jadi lemah?
b. Hai anak Adam, di manakah lidah engkau yang pitah bercakap mengapa diam?
c. hai anak adam di manakah kekasih engkau mengapakah jadi mulia rakan engkau?
Apabila dibawa ke atas kain kapan maka menyerJah suara dari langit tiga kali:
a. Hai anak Adam, engkau Berjalan kepada perjalan yang jauh dengan tidak berbekal?
b. Hai anak Adam, engkau keluar dari rumah tiada akan engkau kembali selama-lamanya?
c. Hai anak Adam, engkau tinggal segala kenderaan maka tiada engkau kenderai selama-lamanya? dan engkau berpindah kepada negeri yang huru hara!
Apabila manyat dibawa di atas perusung (keranda) maka menyerulah suara dari langit tiga kali:
a. Hai anak Adam amat beruntunglah (bahagialah) kamu jika kamu menjadi seorang yang bertaubat.
b. Hai anak Adam amat beruntunglah (bahagialah) kamu jika amal mu baik.
c. Hai anak Adam amat beruntuglah (bahagialah) kamu jika sahabat mu dalam keredaan Allah — dan amat rugilah (celakalah) kamu jika sahabat mu orang yang dimurkai Allah.
Apabila mayat diletakkan untuk disembahyangkan maka menyerulah suara dari langit tiga kali:
a. Wahai anak Adam segala amal mu yang telah kamu lakukan akan kamu lihat.
b. Wahai anak Adam, jika amal mu itu baik kamu akan lihat baik.
c. Wahai anak Adam, jika amal mu itu buruk maka kamu kan lihat buruk.
Imam Annas bin Malik Radziyallah Anhu berkata, bahawa bumi setiap hari berkata:
a. Wahai anak Adam, kamu berjalan di atas ku, kamu akan kembali ke dalam perut ku (kubur).
b. Hai anak Adam, kamu berbuat maksiat dan dosa di atas ku, dan kamu akan disiksa di dalam perut ku (kubur).
c. Kamu bergurau di atas ku, dan kamu akan menangis di dalam perut ku (kubur).
Wallahualam…"sesungguhnya mati itu pasti"
kepada tuan punya blog, maaf sbb xmintak permission terlebih dahulu sblm mencopy paster entri anda..hontoni gome...
Tersebut di dalam Unbar (Hadis) lima perkara racun yang membunuh dan lima perkara penawar sebagai ubatnya:
a. Dunia itu racunnya dan zahid itu ubatnya.
b. Harta itu racunnya dan zakat itu ubatnya.
c. Perkataan yang sia-sia itu racunnya dan zikir Allah itu ubatnya.
d. Seluruh umur itu racunnya dan taat itu ubatnya.
e. Seluruh tahun itu racunnya dan Ramadan itu ubatnya.
Sabda Nabi S.A.W.:Akan datang kasih mereka lima perkara dan lupa mereka lima perkara:
a. Kasih mereka kepada hidup — lupa mereka kepada mati.
b. Kasih mereka kepada harta — lupa mereka kepada hisab.
c. Kasih mereka kepada mahligai — lupa mereka kepada kubur.
d. Kasih mereka kepada dunia — lupa mereka kepada akhirat.
e. Kasih mereka kepada makhluk — lupa mereka kepada Allah.
Apabila hampir mati seseorang hamba Allah maka terbahagilah dia kepada limabahagi.
a. hartanya untuk warisnya.
b. nyawanya untuk Malaikal Maut.
c. dagingnya untuk ulat-ulat.
d. tulangnya untuk tanah.
e. amalan dan kebajikannya untuk orang yang dianayainya. ,
Apabila bercerailah nyawa dari badan maka terdengarlah seruan dari langit tiga kali:
a. Hai anak Adam, adakah engkau tinggal dunia atau dunia tinggalkan engkau?
b. Hai anak Adam, adakah engkau himpun dunia atau dunia himpunkan engkau?
c. Hai anak Adam, adakah engkau bunuh dunia atau dunia bunuhkan engkau?
Apabila dihantar ke tempat mandi berserulah suara dari langit tiga kali:
a. Hai anak Adam, di manakah badan engkau yang kuat mengapa jadi lemah?
b. Hai anak Adam, di manakah lidah engkau yang pitah bercakap mengapa diam?
c. hai anak adam di manakah kekasih engkau mengapakah jadi mulia rakan engkau?
Apabila dibawa ke atas kain kapan maka menyerJah suara dari langit tiga kali:
a. Hai anak Adam, engkau Berjalan kepada perjalan yang jauh dengan tidak berbekal?
b. Hai anak Adam, engkau keluar dari rumah tiada akan engkau kembali selama-lamanya?
c. Hai anak Adam, engkau tinggal segala kenderaan maka tiada engkau kenderai selama-lamanya? dan engkau berpindah kepada negeri yang huru hara!
Apabila manyat dibawa di atas perusung (keranda) maka menyerulah suara dari langit tiga kali:
a. Hai anak Adam amat beruntunglah (bahagialah) kamu jika kamu menjadi seorang yang bertaubat.
b. Hai anak Adam amat beruntunglah (bahagialah) kamu jika amal mu baik.
c. Hai anak Adam amat beruntuglah (bahagialah) kamu jika sahabat mu dalam keredaan Allah — dan amat rugilah (celakalah) kamu jika sahabat mu orang yang dimurkai Allah.
Apabila mayat diletakkan untuk disembahyangkan maka menyerulah suara dari langit tiga kali:
a. Wahai anak Adam segala amal mu yang telah kamu lakukan akan kamu lihat.
b. Wahai anak Adam, jika amal mu itu baik kamu akan lihat baik.
c. Wahai anak Adam, jika amal mu itu buruk maka kamu kan lihat buruk.
Imam Annas bin Malik Radziyallah Anhu berkata, bahawa bumi setiap hari berkata:
a. Wahai anak Adam, kamu berjalan di atas ku, kamu akan kembali ke dalam perut ku (kubur).
b. Hai anak Adam, kamu berbuat maksiat dan dosa di atas ku, dan kamu akan disiksa di dalam perut ku (kubur).
c. Kamu bergurau di atas ku, dan kamu akan menangis di dalam perut ku (kubur).
Wallahualam…"sesungguhnya mati itu pasti"
kepada tuan punya blog, maaf sbb xmintak permission terlebih dahulu sblm mencopy paster entri anda..hontoni gome...
nyawa manusia nilainya berbeza2kah?
isnin lalu, sy dan Ina telah ber"siar2" di mlm hari ke bandar Ipoh. kami ke sana semata2 untuk pergi ke medan gopeng mengambil parcel yg dikirim oleh seorg teman dr negeri Perlis Indera Kayangan. sblm ke medan gopeng, kami singgah di dataran bandar Ipoh (near greetown business center) untuk supper.
kami pun pilih la kedai yg paling tepi sbb tgk gerai tuh ramai org.sy order nasi goreng cendawan..(xperlulah anda mencubanya selagi dia masih menggunakan cendawan yg hitam warnenyer itu..awful taste.) dan Ina order bihun tomyam. (mmg power.bes2) kire okla tempat makan tuh..siap ader tv lg..cume waktu tuh oleh kerana ketidak strategikan meja yg kami pilih, kami xdpt nk tgk tv..lgpun smase tuh tv siarkan filem Chinese..sbb nk dekat ngan Chinese New Year.cuma lambat servisnya...
ok. back to the story, tgh tunggu makanan sampai, kami dihiburkan oleh dua org lelaki (sorang nyanyi sambil pegang gitar, lg sorang backup singer dan ketuk ape ntah yg bg bunyi). boleh tahan jugak suara mamat tuh..sy ckp dlm hati..sy memberi perhatian kepada setiap lagu yg dia nyanyikn, sy mencuba meneka tajuk lagu..kadang2 ada lagu yg sy familiar, sy pun ikut menyanyi kecil2an saja.
sedang 2 org encik td bernyanyi dgn riang gembira, ada seorang penonton a.k.a customer di gerai tuh angkat satu kerusi yg kosong dan letak bersebelahan dgn penyanyi yg sdg berdiri sambil menyanyi tuh. kalu sesiapa yg org Ipoh dan familiar dgn dataran Ipoh tuh, pasti bleh bayangkan jalan tuh. jalan yg lebar seolah2 dibahagi dua. separuhnya jd tapak gerai dan separuh lg masih ada ruang tuk kereta bergerak di situh.
mulanya sy pelik, untuk apa encik itu letakkan kerusi itu di situ? bila dh ada sebuah kereta meluncur dgn agak laju kt situ, barulah sy paham. kerusi itu seolah2 papan tanda "awas" kerana ada org yg sdg berdiri di situ yg tidak memakai tali pinggang keledar..tak2..just joking... (kerusi tuh bkn bleh jd pelindung pun kalu ada kereta yg melanggar)...sy agak kerusi itu sebagai amaran agar pemandu2 kereta akan berhati semasa lalu di sebelah dua lelaki yg sdg menyanyi itu...
sy terharu...
terus teringat paper utusan yg mana kepala seorang kanak2 perempuan tanpa badan ditemui disebalik runtuhan rumah setelah dibom oleh Israel.
Di situ, mlm itu, seorang yg asing, tidak kenal sesama sendiri masih mempunyai rs keprihatinan melindungi org yg lain. sedangkan di Gaza, nyawa manusia diperlakukan seolah2 tiada nilai..betapa berbezanya...
sedih..
teramat sedih...
serangan Israel terhadap Gaza telah berhenti...jadi, marilah kita doakan perkara seumpama ini xkn berulang sama sekali di mana2 pun..semoga roh2 umat Islam yg terkorban akibat perang akan dicucuri rahmat oleh Allah SWT....Insya Allah..
kami pun pilih la kedai yg paling tepi sbb tgk gerai tuh ramai org.sy order nasi goreng cendawan..(xperlulah anda mencubanya selagi dia masih menggunakan cendawan yg hitam warnenyer itu..awful taste.) dan Ina order bihun tomyam. (mmg power.bes2) kire okla tempat makan tuh..siap ader tv lg..cume waktu tuh oleh kerana ketidak strategikan meja yg kami pilih, kami xdpt nk tgk tv..lgpun smase tuh tv siarkan filem Chinese..sbb nk dekat ngan Chinese New Year.cuma lambat servisnya...
ok. back to the story, tgh tunggu makanan sampai, kami dihiburkan oleh dua org lelaki (sorang nyanyi sambil pegang gitar, lg sorang backup singer dan ketuk ape ntah yg bg bunyi). boleh tahan jugak suara mamat tuh..sy ckp dlm hati..sy memberi perhatian kepada setiap lagu yg dia nyanyikn, sy mencuba meneka tajuk lagu..kadang2 ada lagu yg sy familiar, sy pun ikut menyanyi kecil2an saja.
sedang 2 org encik td bernyanyi dgn riang gembira, ada seorang penonton a.k.a customer di gerai tuh angkat satu kerusi yg kosong dan letak bersebelahan dgn penyanyi yg sdg berdiri sambil menyanyi tuh. kalu sesiapa yg org Ipoh dan familiar dgn dataran Ipoh tuh, pasti bleh bayangkan jalan tuh. jalan yg lebar seolah2 dibahagi dua. separuhnya jd tapak gerai dan separuh lg masih ada ruang tuk kereta bergerak di situh.
mulanya sy pelik, untuk apa encik itu letakkan kerusi itu di situ? bila dh ada sebuah kereta meluncur dgn agak laju kt situ, barulah sy paham. kerusi itu seolah2 papan tanda "awas" kerana ada org yg sdg berdiri di situ yg tidak memakai tali pinggang keledar..tak2..just joking... (kerusi tuh bkn bleh jd pelindung pun kalu ada kereta yg melanggar)...sy agak kerusi itu sebagai amaran agar pemandu2 kereta akan berhati semasa lalu di sebelah dua lelaki yg sdg menyanyi itu...
sy terharu...
terus teringat paper utusan yg mana kepala seorang kanak2 perempuan tanpa badan ditemui disebalik runtuhan rumah setelah dibom oleh Israel.
Di situ, mlm itu, seorang yg asing, tidak kenal sesama sendiri masih mempunyai rs keprihatinan melindungi org yg lain. sedangkan di Gaza, nyawa manusia diperlakukan seolah2 tiada nilai..betapa berbezanya...
sedih..
teramat sedih...
serangan Israel terhadap Gaza telah berhenti...jadi, marilah kita doakan perkara seumpama ini xkn berulang sama sekali di mana2 pun..semoga roh2 umat Islam yg terkorban akibat perang akan dicucuri rahmat oleh Allah SWT....Insya Allah..
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