Semalam Mother's Day.
bukan main rancak semua orang kat FB ngan Instagram share gambar mak masing-masing dan wishing Mother's Day to their mother's.
Harini, Nurses Day pulak.
kedua-dua harini ialah hari untuk Amma.
she was a mother and a nurse.
gosh!
i started crying just by writing this few lines.
*pause*
this year, celebrating Mother's Day is painful.
because Amma is not with me anymore.
i changed to another frequency when i listened mother's day wishes at one radio station.
i scrolled down very fast to unread the mother's day wishes at FB and Insta.
very very jelous.
trying to be tough.
but, of course, ignoring truth or run away from facts/ problem is painful too.
stay or walk away, still, i lost both wars.
and today,
i realize that, running away doesn't makes me any happier.
so, i decided to face it.
so it won't haunt me.
Right away after Amma passed away,
I was telling myself, be strong.
you can do this!
we did all the process from A to Z.
everybody was there to help us.
during that night for kenduri tahlil,
i was out of my system.
totally improper shut down.
i slept after Maghrib prayer until i woke up in the middle of the night.
it was 3 am.
suddenly,
i felt confused,
what happened? who is sleeping besides me?
and then, i walked out of the room to the living room.
everybody was sleeping. out of tired mentally and physically.
i was standing there, alone in the dark.
after some time,
i realized that Amma is not in this house anymore.
She is not coming back.
I sent her to the her new house today.
i kissed her forehead and say goodbye.
Then, i cried at the kitchen table.
as silent as i could so not to wake anybody.
that moment, was the most cruel moment that Allah's ever tested me.
that moment, i cried so much to let go the sadness in my heart.
i said to Allah
"please, allow me to cry. You put me into this grief, help me to handle it"
at some point, i was like angry towards Allah and i was like warning Him.
"I didn't ask for this, you took away my mother. And now, You must fix me!"
*pause*
you see.
we, human are weak.
when Allah tested us, we are getting weaker and we could be worst.
that's the time when syaitan would enter our heart and mind,
telling us all the wrong things... but it seems very right.
a friend introduced Yasmin Mogahed to me.
listening to Yasmin Mogahed's youtube video,
is my wake up call.
i never knew or never heard Yasmin Mogahed's name before.
gathering with friends that help us to know Allah,
to get closer to Allah,
is a blessing to me.
is a gift from Allah to me.
she said that,
the sadness, the emptiness inside my heart, is Allah's doing.
He created me, us, human.
He made our heart that way.
with a reason.
for us to fill it in with love for Him.
Lailaha illallah.
There is no God but Allah.
her metafora was:
we have a car and car need fuel to move.
but, instead of filling it with fuel, we fill the car with water.
the car won't move smoothly.
i will be broken.
*pause*
that's what i have been doing all these time.
filling my emptiness and sadness with the wrong method. wrong love.
human love is water. i broke my own heart.
Allah's love is the fuel.
Amma is not here with me now, but I have mama, umi and others.
Allah didn't leave me alone in this world.
Amma was never taken away from me.
Amma is not mine. Amma is not a thing, she is not my property.
Amma is a gift from Allah to me.
And, Amma belong to Allah.
Allah can give and Allah can take Amma away.
even me belong to Allah.
"To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; and Allah has power over all things."
[3: Al-Imran-189]
when I am focusing on what i have, i become more grateful to Allah.
i must thanked Allah that gave me 30 years of Amma by my side.
30 years is very long time.
Some doesn't have 30 years with their mothers.
Some have less and some doesn't even know their mother.
Alhamdulillah.
thank you Allah for 30 years of gift and blessing with Amma by my side.
She was great a mother and always will.
Bless her and help me to be good Muslim.
and my family too.
Please Allah,unite our family again in Jannah.
Amin.
Happy Mother's Day Habsah Hussin.
i miss you.
bukan main rancak semua orang kat FB ngan Instagram share gambar mak masing-masing dan wishing Mother's Day to their mother's.
Harini, Nurses Day pulak.
kedua-dua harini ialah hari untuk Amma.
she was a mother and a nurse.
gosh!
i started crying just by writing this few lines.
*pause*
this year, celebrating Mother's Day is painful.
because Amma is not with me anymore.
i changed to another frequency when i listened mother's day wishes at one radio station.
i scrolled down very fast to unread the mother's day wishes at FB and Insta.
very very jelous.
trying to be tough.
but, of course, ignoring truth or run away from facts/ problem is painful too.
stay or walk away, still, i lost both wars.
and today,
i realize that, running away doesn't makes me any happier.
so, i decided to face it.
so it won't haunt me.
Right away after Amma passed away,
I was telling myself, be strong.
you can do this!
we did all the process from A to Z.
everybody was there to help us.
during that night for kenduri tahlil,
i was out of my system.
totally improper shut down.
i slept after Maghrib prayer until i woke up in the middle of the night.
it was 3 am.
suddenly,
i felt confused,
what happened? who is sleeping besides me?
and then, i walked out of the room to the living room.
everybody was sleeping. out of tired mentally and physically.
i was standing there, alone in the dark.
after some time,
i realized that Amma is not in this house anymore.
She is not coming back.
I sent her to the her new house today.
i kissed her forehead and say goodbye.
Then, i cried at the kitchen table.
as silent as i could so not to wake anybody.
that moment, was the most cruel moment that Allah's ever tested me.
that moment, i cried so much to let go the sadness in my heart.
i said to Allah
"please, allow me to cry. You put me into this grief, help me to handle it"
at some point, i was like angry towards Allah and i was like warning Him.
"I didn't ask for this, you took away my mother. And now, You must fix me!"
*pause*
you see.
we, human are weak.
when Allah tested us, we are getting weaker and we could be worst.
that's the time when syaitan would enter our heart and mind,
telling us all the wrong things... but it seems very right.
a friend introduced Yasmin Mogahed to me.
listening to Yasmin Mogahed's youtube video,
is my wake up call.
i never knew or never heard Yasmin Mogahed's name before.
gathering with friends that help us to know Allah,
to get closer to Allah,
is a blessing to me.
is a gift from Allah to me.
she said that,
the sadness, the emptiness inside my heart, is Allah's doing.
He created me, us, human.
He made our heart that way.
with a reason.
for us to fill it in with love for Him.
Lailaha illallah.
There is no God but Allah.
her metafora was:
we have a car and car need fuel to move.
but, instead of filling it with fuel, we fill the car with water.
the car won't move smoothly.
i will be broken.
*pause*
that's what i have been doing all these time.
filling my emptiness and sadness with the wrong method. wrong love.
human love is water. i broke my own heart.
Allah's love is the fuel.
Amma is not here with me now, but I have mama, umi and others.
Allah didn't leave me alone in this world.
Amma was never taken away from me.
Amma is not mine. Amma is not a thing, she is not my property.
Amma is a gift from Allah to me.
And, Amma belong to Allah.
Allah can give and Allah can take Amma away.
even me belong to Allah.
"To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; and Allah has power over all things."
[3: Al-Imran-189]
when I am focusing on what i have, i become more grateful to Allah.
i must thanked Allah that gave me 30 years of Amma by my side.
30 years is very long time.
Some doesn't have 30 years with their mothers.
Some have less and some doesn't even know their mother.
Alhamdulillah.
thank you Allah for 30 years of gift and blessing with Amma by my side.
She was great a mother and always will.
Bless her and help me to be good Muslim.
and my family too.
Please Allah,unite our family again in Jannah.
Amin.
Happy Mother's Day Habsah Hussin.
i miss you.
Tiada ulasan:
Catat Ulasan